I'll carry you home
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: Missing scene from 1x6 yellow couch when Lucas was taking a drunk Philip home. Based on the prompt and idea by reachedthebitterend on tumblr Thank you!
1. Chapter 1

Rose's hand was on his waist and Lukas just couldn't stay there any longer. His girlfriend was sitting on his lap, drunkenly trying to kiss his neck but all he could think about was how Philip touched him. How kissing Philip felt like drowning and being saved at the same time, and about how nothing in his life seemed to matter as much anymore, now that he knew Philip.

He felt a little sick at everything that was happening. All the lies and the secrets. Everything he had done to the one person he actually cared about. When he had said those things, those lies about Philip, about the drugs and how he made him steal from his dad, he had seen how much that had hurt him.

Philips eyes had misted over and Lukas could see him break inside, and yet he did nothing because he was a coward. He couldn't face who he was or what he had with Philip. And he wanted to be able to fix everything, he wanted to have something real with Philip but he….couldn't. He couldn't face his dad or his friends about what he felt, what he was.

He was trapped and he couldn't seem to stop shutting doors and burning bridges for himself.

But he was still mad at Philip too. They had agreed not to tell anyone about what they saw that night, Philip had promised, but then he had gone and told Helen anyway. Lucas had trusted him. But that didn't mean he didn't still care about Philip, as much as he wished he didn't. The blonde wanted to pull his hair out, it was all so complicated.

Rose had her hands sliding lower to his belt and Lukas muttered something about getting home in time to do chores and pushed her off him. She let out a displeased whine but Lukas was already out the door, he needed to clear his head and that meant riding.

He had gotten down the steps and halfway to the gate when he tripped over a familiar shoe.

Philip was slumped against a car, empty bottle in his lap, trash piled over his legs where it had been thrown at him.

Lukas looked carefully around, making sure no one conscious was around to see, and knelt down beside the boy. He tossed the garbage away and pulled the bottle from Philips hands, brushing the hair out of the other kids face.

"Philip? Hey, wake up."

Philip didn't move, his eyes closed and head tipped forward on his chest. Lukas tried again, getting worried, his fingers brushing along the brunet's cheek to feel his cool skin.

"Philip, come on. How much did you drink?"

The drunk teenager let out a low grunt but didn't open his eyes, head rolling a little on his neck as he started to wake up. Lukas sighed in relief, pulling his jacket off to wrap around Philips shoulders. Had he been out here all night?

"We should get you home." Philip wasn't looking so good and he was too cold for Lucas' liking, shivering under the jacket as pink coloured his pale cheekbones.

Philip moved more purposefully now, pulling at the jacket on his shoulders and lifting his head to open his eyes.

"What..?"

Lucas bent down to meet his blurry gaze, frowning as Philips expression contorted into one of rage.

"Hey, its Lucas y-"

Philip lunged forwards swinging a clumsy fist in Lucas' direction, missing his face as the other boy dodged and caught his wrist with a gentle hand.

"Hey stop, it's me."

Philip pulled at his arm as Lucas held it and relented to pushing at the blonde's chest with his other hand.

Lucas fell back and released the boy's wrist. Sitting on the dew wet grass and watching with annoyance as Philip threw his jacket off. His words were harshly slurred and every word came with a breath that reeked of alcohol.

"Fuck off. I know who t'is."

"I'll take you home."

Philp's eyes closed again as he slumped back against the car, turning his face away from the others gaze as he sulked.

"I hate you."

Lucas sighed and pulled a water bottle from his bag.

"I know. You should drink something. It'll make you feel better."

He lifted the bottle to Philips lips and helped him take a sip, swatting his hand away when he tried to take it for himself with his drunk clumsy hands.

"Why do you care?"

Lucas sighed, making Philip drink a little more before putting the bottle away again. He kept his voice low as he replied, not even sure Philip could hear until he snorted.

"Because I care about you. You know that, so just shut up and let me take care of you."

"Yeah, you care. You care about how everyone sees you. Well you know, no one really knows the real you except me and I'm the one you're pushing away. So, fuck you, leave me alone."

Lucas knew it was true but ignored the stab of pain it caused and gathered Philip up in his arms.

"You're drunk."

Philip was floppy and heavy in Lucas' arms, eyes still closed as he tried to push the blonde's arms off him.

"And you're an asshole. I guess we're both stating the obvious today."

Lucas wrapped his arms around the others chest, heaving him from the ground and dragging him towards his bike behind the shed. They were alone now and Philip was getting harder to keep quiet. The brunet straddled the bike, grabbing the handlebars, and putting on a mocking voice.

"Hi, I'm Lucas and I like kissing boys but only if no one finds out. Vroom vroom, bikes are cool."

Lucas pulled the boy away from the bike and sat him down beside the shed as Philip giggled. It was such an adorable sound that Lucas wanted to stop what he was doing and make him laugh again. But he was still mad and he needed to hide this cute, drunk idiot before anyone found him.

"Philip, stay here and be quiet. I have to go get my jacket that YOU left by the car."

Philip nodded and made a mock salute that ended in flipping him the bird. Lucas was only gone for a second but when he came back Philip was chugging a half empty bottle of vodka and knocking his boots against the motorbike as he stumbled around.

Lucas rushed over and pulled the bottle from him, wiping the alcohol from the boy's mouth with his own sleeve.

"What are you doing? You've had enough! Where did you even get it?"

Philip could no longer form proper words but gestured vaguely to a passed-out figure nearby, before tripping over his own feet and falling over.

Lucas pulled the boy up, holding him against his chest as he walked them to the bike. Philip was mumbling things against his neck as Lucas arranged him on the bike, half slumped over the handlebars, but Lucas only caught a few words.

"Jus' wannit to stop. Be gone. You ruined ev'rytng."

It hurt to hear it aloud even when he knew it was true. He had started taking pills to try and stop the memories from that night in the cabin and he knew what it was like to just want things to stop, but he had made Philip feel that way and he felt sick at himself. But again that anger came that took the blame and poured it onto someone else's wounds, a hurt he couldn't help himself from inflicting.

"You told Helen. You messed everything up."

Philip frowned, lip curling like he was going to cry as he managed a whine.

"I wasss worried 'bout you. I did'n want you hurting anymore."

Lucas froze, looking down at the boy in his arms as Philip slipped in and out of consciousness, and all his anger slipped away. Philip still cared about him, even after what he'd done. Everything was so messed up. But he could get still Philip home safe.

Lucas swung his leg over the bike to sit behind Philip, pulling the boy to lean back against his chest so that he could hold him as they rode.

It was tricky trying to hold him while driving but he did jumps with his legs over his own shoulders so the trip to Philips foster house was slow but do-able. He rode carefully, avoiding any bumps or sharp turns that might upset Philips alcohol filled stomach, holding the boy tight the whole way.

It was light out when they arrived at the small house and Philip was worse than before, barely able to walk and constantly mumbling nonsense into his neck as he dragged him off the bike.

For Phillip, the whole trip had been nothing but wind and noise and the feeling of Lucas' chest against his back. The smell of his skin mixed with the bike and the scent of the breeze with Lucas' steady hand braced against his chest to hold him steady. And Philip hated him, everything was broken because of what the asshole on the motorbike had done. But he was leaving soon and he would never see Lucas again, so if this was the last time he could have this then he would soak as much of it into his drunk brain as he could.

Lucas wrapped his arm around Philips back and pulled the other boys arm around his shoulders as he carried him to the steps of the house. Philip was stumbling and threatening to fall back to the grass with every step.

Lucas finally got him to the steps and lowered him down, cradling the back of his head as he lay him on the porch. Philip was barely even conscious anymore and that was probably the only reason Lucas had enough courage to say what he had been meaning to for the past few days. Lucas carefully rearranged Philip on the steps, tugging at his hips to lay him in a more comfortable position, before leaning over him and whispering to the drunk teenager.

"I'm sorry Philip. I didn't mean any of it."

Philip was silent and Lucas couldn't help but want to stay, to just watch him sleep and make sure that he was okay. This tiny moment had no expectations and no one to hide from, it was nothing more than a boy wanting to be with the person that he had a crush on.

Lucas stayed for a few moments, carding his fingers through Philips hair to brush it away from his face. Philip rolled his head as he mumbled, pressing his face into Lucas' hand. Lucas wanted to stay so badly. He wanted to take Philip in his arms again and just hold him, like they had done on that roof. He just wanted to be close to him again, like they had been before any of this craziness had happened.

But Helen and Gabe would be coming soon and Lucas didn't want to have to answer any more questions. So with one last look at sleeping Philip, Lucas left him on the step and drove away.


	2. Chapter 2

(this one is short but there is more planned)

Lukas had been working towards this since he was a kid. He was being given everything he wanted but he couldn't get Philip out of his head. His dad started talking about him, being a bad influence and Lukas' mouth went instinctively to correct him but he stopped himself, remembering what he had said about Philip making him steal money for drugs. He had to stick to his story now.

Lukas' mind wandered, blocking out whatever the two men were saying until he heard those words.

"They're sending Philip away."

His heart thundered in his chest, slamming against his rib-cage with every beat. Philip was leaving? He'd never see him again.

Lukas grabbed his phone, opening the message that Philip had sent him earlier, clicking the video he had sent. His screen lit up with Philips smile, his own bright grin. He had been happy. Happier then he'd ever been with Rose, happier then he'd been before he'd met Philip.

Lukas watched the video with his heart in his throat and suddenly this whole sponsorship deal seemed ridiculous. People were being murdered, Philip was being taken away forever and Lukas was sitting talking about his future. Lukas had never thought about his future with Philip, it had always been wanting to kiss him now, needing to see his smile this second. But he suddenly realized that he desperately wanted one. He wanted to be able to look into the future and know for sure that Philip would be in it, beside him.

And he took Philips future from him. His foster parents wouldn't trust him after what he'd told them. And now he was going to be sent away. Because of what he did.

Lukas stood abruptly, his chair squealing against the floor sharply, making his father and the sponsorship dealer look towards him. He didn't even know how to explain. Nothing he said would be able to placate them.

"I have to go." His father looked ready to yell at him but Lukas sprinted out the door before he could get a word out. Their words echoed in his head as he grabbed his helmet.

 _It's all about image. He's a bad influence. They're taking him away._

His image didn't mean shit to him if he didn't have Philip. Nothing would matter if he let Philip leave. He raced to the shed, to the spot underneath the hey bales, where he stashed the gun, and shoved it in the waistband of his jeans. He needed to tell the truth, he needed to fix this.

He shoved the helmet on his head, the padding muffling his dad's call's as he grabbed his bike and sped away.

Lukas could hardly breathe as he rode. What if he was too late? What if Philip had left already? Or what if he hated him too much to stay, no matter what he did? Philips video swam around in his head, their easy joking, the light touches on arms, the closeness between them that came so naturally.

Just days before he had bought Philip a camera, and made him laugh as they sat under those trees. Lukas wanted all of that back so badly he could barely breathe. His hands felt cold without Philip in them and if he didn't see him soon he would scream.

How did everything get so screwed up? How had he let himself hurt Philip so badly? Lukas shook off his anxiety and pulled harder on the throttle.

Lukas spun around the corner on his bike, seeing Philip, with his head down, getting into the sheriff's car with his bags. No! Lukas sped over to the car, stopping his bike at a swerve and pulling his helmet off. His eyes met with Philips as he sat in the car and Lukas felt a little better just by seeing those eyes fixed on him.

He turned to Helen and spilled everything, handing her the gun. It felt good to tell someone about what they had seen, for someone else to hold the weight of all that awful darkness and fear. Lukas looked back towards Philip, but the brunets face was blank if not a little shocked and Lukas couldn't tell what he was thinking.

Lukas tried to convey everything that he was thinking through his eyes, all the apologies, all the regret and all his feelings for Philip. The boy held his gaze for a second before turning away.

Helen still had her mouth open in shock and finally tore her eyes away from the gun.

"Lukas, I'm going to need to get an official statement from you. We'll need to go down to the station and your dad will have to be present."

Lukas didn't take his eyes off the boy in the car.

"Can I talk to Philip for a second?"

Helen looked between them and finally nodded.

"Sure, I'll go call your dad to meet us at the station."

She walked back into the house and Lukas was left in the silent grass. Staring at Philip who wouldn't even look at him.

He took a deep breath and walked towards the car.

"Philip?"

The boy didn't respond, staring out the opposite window, facing away from Lukas.

Philip sighed and lent against the car.

"Are you gonna talk to me?"

Still no reply, but he could see Philips throat working as he swallowed and Lukas could tell he was upset.

"I get it if you don't want to. I know you're pissed at me. But…I'm gonna keep trying okay? This is really hard for me, this honesty thing and my dad is going to be pissed. I don't really know what's going to happen so just..acknowledge that I'm trying?"

Philip still didn't respond and Helen was coming back out of the house so Lukas relented.

"Okay. I'll see you later. I really am sorry Philip."

He walked away, head hung low as he went with Helen.


End file.
